To the Person who Isn’t Feeling Festive

Hi. It’s Jenny. 

I heard you weren’t feeling very celebratory this season.

I heard you were feeling pretty down. Especially when well-intentioned people say, “Look at all those twinkling lights! Look at the holiday gatherings and the cheer!” 

It’s okay that you want to look away. It’s okay that you feel sad or disappointed or scared. 

Maybe someone you love is ill. Or someone you love is missing this year. You have been feeling more fragile, more tender. 

And yes, there are people and things for which you are grateful, you might say. I hear you, because it’s possible to feel many things all at once. 

So here's my Holiday Experiment for you:

If you happen to look at twinkling lights or old photos this week, also wrap yourself in a blanket or a favorite sweater. 

Allow the warmth to soothe you for 6 seconds. 

Right now, you are allowing yourself to feel more than one thing.  

(I’ll count to six with you now.) 

* * *

We are many things. 

We are complicated with gratitude and with grief. With lights and with blankets. 

Warmly,

Jenny

“English Major? What are You Gonna Do with That?”

Holidays can be wonderful. Lights and fireplaces and Cinnamon-Infused Everything. They can also be quite uncomfortable and may require a large helping of self-soothing. 

So, from my holiday heart to yours, please accept these self-compassionate, pre-scripted answers to well-meaning questions. You get to choose your level of vulnerability. You get to choose your boundaries. 

Darling, bring on the holidays. 

1.  Any new boyfriend/girlfriend we should know about?

Say to self: “It’s okay that you don’t have a partner. You are loved by many. Take a deep breath. Lift your head. You, my dear, are fabulous on your own.”

Say out loud:  “No.”  (*Please note there are no shame-filled responses to be found here.)

2.  So, when are you having a couple of kids like (insert name of sibling or friend)?

Say to self: “You are just fine. Take a deep breath. Lift your head. You, my darling, are lovely as you are-- with or without children.”

Say out loud: “Kids? Hmm, not now.”

3.  How’d your job search go?

Say to self: “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about this. It’s okay if you feel angry or sad. Remember to breathe. Lift that head. You, my dear, are on your journey. 

Say out loud: “Went well (or was difficult or whatever word fits for you), thank you for asking.” 

4.  Job Part II:  So, what are you really passionate about?

Say to self: “You can take a deep, slow breath. Maybe one or two more. You, my darling, are finding your way-- passionately.”

Say out loud:  “So many things.” 

5.  English major?  What are you gonna you do with that?

Say to self: “It’s okay that you did/are doing what makes you happy. It’s okay to feel irritated right now. You, my dear, have all the words on your side.”

Say out loud:  “Anything and everything!”  (*It’s okay to smile when you say this.)

With love and cinnamon,

Jenny