To the Person who Isn’t Feeling Festive

Hi. It’s Jenny. 

I heard you weren’t feeling very celebratory this season.

I heard you were feeling pretty down. Especially when well-intentioned people say, “Look at all those twinkling lights! Look at the holiday gatherings and the cheer!” 

It’s okay that you want to look away. It’s okay that you feel sad or disappointed or scared. 

Maybe someone you love is ill. Or someone you love is missing this year. You have been feeling more fragile, more tender. 

And yes, there are people and things for which you are grateful, you might say. I hear you, because it’s possible to feel many things all at once. 

So here's my Holiday Experiment for you:

If you happen to look at twinkling lights or old photos this week, also wrap yourself in a blanket or a favorite sweater. 

Allow the warmth to soothe you for 6 seconds. 

Right now, you are allowing yourself to feel more than one thing.  

(I’ll count to six with you now.) 

* * *

We are many things. 

We are complicated with gratitude and with grief. With lights and with blankets. 

Warmly,

Jenny

A Letter to Three Women who May be Hurting on Mother’s Day

I.

To the woman who has lost her mother:

Sit with me. Tell me about her. How she laughed. What did it sound like? I wish I could hear it, too. 

Tell me about her face. What parts do you miss most? What parts do you love?

Let’s remember together. 

* * *

II.

To the woman who has lost her child:

I’m here with you. You say your heart--that day and every day since--has shattered into a million pieces and disappeared into the sky. 

I see those tiny pieces in you, shaped into grief and love and all the things your daughter loved, too.  

Tell me about her face. What parts do you miss most? What parts do you love?

Let’s remember together.

* * *

III.

To the woman who wants a child, so very much:

This is grief. You may feel this grief intensely right now. Especially when you see mothers and children on Sunday afternoon. Or any Sunday afternoon.

It’s a grief that’s hard to describe. 

The categories include: what could have been. miscarriage. stillbirth. fertility treatments. trying. loneliness. 

Tell me about her face. What parts do you see most clearly? What parts do you love?

Let’s imagine together.

With you,

Jenny